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For me, that perfectionism and people-pleasing was so critical to that point in my life.
当时，这种完美主义和讨好型人格就是我的全部。
But then when I just put it on autopilot, it went way past the point of diminishing returns and often became unhealthy for me.
但后来，当我任其发展，它带给我的益处已经远远小于弊端，对我来说已经非常不健康。
That's my story.
这就是我的故事。
Let's spend some time getting to know yours.
让我们来听听你的故事吧。
I'm going to invite you to do a little bit of reflection activity with me as you're comfortable, if you can all just close your eyes wherever you are.
我想要邀请你们和我一起做一些反思，保持舒适的状态，请大家闭上眼。
And with your eyes closed, I'm going to ask you to start to bring to mind a part of you that tends to overwork, to be a perfectionist or a people-pleaser, struggles to set boundaries.
请闭上眼，找出你身体里喜欢过度工作，追求完美主义或有点讨好型人格，努力想要设定边界的那一部分。
When I ask what it would be like if you tone that part of you back a little.
如果我想让你稍稍克制一下这一部分。
Just let that go a little.
就克制那么一点点。
For the piece of you that pops up with some tension or resistance, let's lean into that and ask, why not?
对于你突然感受到的紧张或抵抗，让我们倾身其中，研究一下，你为什么不愿意克制这部分自己呢？
What would happen?
会发生什么呢？
What would go wrong?
会出什么问题呢？
Would things go wrong, the other shoe would finally drop, and it'd be all your fault?
如果真的出了问题，等到事情结束，这一切都会被当作是你的错吗？
Would you lose success?
你会失败吗？
Would you not have anything to talk about in conversation to feel worthy anymore?
你会不会在谈话中没有什么可以谈论的有价值的东西了？
Then let's practice some curiosity around where you might have first adapted or learned this.
然后，让我们来了解一下你是如何第一次接触到或者产生这种心态的。
When it might have helped or protected you in life.
它可能在生活中帮助或保护过你。
Did you learn early on you had to be perfect to avoid shame or discipline?
你是否从小就被教育，要做到完美，不能丢脸，不能受罚？
Or when you were young, did you learn you had to be overly self-reliant, you had to take care of everything and everyone because your caretaker couldn't.
或者当你年轻的时候，有没有人告诉你必须自力更生，照顾你身边的所有事、所有人，因为照顾你的人根本不会这么做？
Or maybe later in life, in college, did you learn it was worth sacrificing whatever you needed to get that win or accolade, maybe to make up for not feeling accepted earlier in life?
或者，在后来的生活中，在大学里，你有没有不惜一切代价只为取得胜利或者荣誉，以弥补童年缺失的被接纳感？
See what it would be to speak to that part of yourself and say, "Thank you so much for making this adaptation.
你可以对自己的那一部分说，“非常感谢你做出改变。
You helped me through such an important time, but right now, I don't need you to be on the clock all the time anymore.
你帮助我度过了人生重要的时刻，但现在，我不需要你时时刻刻待在我身边了。
I have a beautiful life that I've built with safety and stability, and I have people in my life that love me for who I am and not what I do.
我的生活很美好，安全、稳定，我生命中的一些人爱我这个人，而不是我做的事。
You can take a breather so I can to."
你可以休息一下，这样我也就可以休息了。”
As you're ready, just gently opening your eyes back up and coming back into the room with me.
当你准备好了，轻轻睁开你的眼，和我一起回到这里。
Welcome back.
欢迎回来。
So part of that reflection activity is an example of what we would technically call identifying our cognitive schemas.
这种反思活动的一部分，我们在专业上称为“确立认知图式”。
Our cognitive schemas are essentially how our brain forms all of our subconscious behaviors, patterns, thoughts and emotions which our brain largely learns based on past experiences we've had.
本质上来说，我们的认知图式是大脑形成所有下意识行为、规律、想法和情感的方式，我们的大脑主要是利用我们过去的经验学习这些行为、规律、想法和情感。
A majority of our subconscious schemas, our behaviors, are formed and adapted early on in life, especially in childhood, because our brains are kind of blank slates.
我们的大部分潜意识图式和行为，都是在人生早期形成和改变的，特别是在童年时期，因为那时我们的大脑就像是一张白板。
We haven't experienced much of life yet, so out of safety and efficiency, our brain takes each big experience and wants to say, OK, this is what I did, these were the factors around, this is what happened and therefore is how I should predict, I should feel, think and act from here on out."
我们还没有经历太多的人生，所以出于安全和效率的考虑，我们的大脑会捕捉每一个重大事件，并认为，好的，这就是我做过的事情，周围的因素是这样的，产生了这种结果，所以我以后都该这么预判，我应该像现在这样感觉、思考和行动。
And it puts that on autopilot into our subconscious.
它将这种默认的执行方式放进我们的潜意识。
